In Loving Memory Gifts That Aren't a Plaque

Last updated: September 2026

In Loving Memory Gift Ideas

Quick answer: The best in loving memory gift is one where the three words go on the card and the object itself is about the person — their photograph printed and framed properly (£40–£90), a line of their handwriting engraved (£40–£150), a rose or tree planted this winter (£15–£60), something of theirs mended, or a donation to the cause the family named. Plaques and benches belong only somewhere the person actually went. If the family has one photograph everyone thinks of as "them", a hand-painted memorial portrait from it costs £220 to £549, takes about three to four weeks plus delivery, and you see a photograph of the finished painting before it ships so anything can be changed. None of it needs to arrive in the first fortnight; most of it is better for arriving later.

The phrase is for the card, not the object

Type "in loving memory" into any shopping site and you get the same wall: slate hearts, wind chimes, resin angels, candle holders with a verse about footprints, and a great many plaques. They are made in bulk, months before anyone died, for nobody in particular. The words are true; the object is about death in general rather than the person who has gone.

That is easy to fix. Keep the phrase — on the card, on the back of the frame, on the label of the tree — and choose the thing itself for the person: what they grew, wore, cooked, wrote or kept on the mantelpiece. An in loving memory gift that could have been given for anyone's death says less than a £4 card with one real memory in it.

Who you are giving it to

A widow or widower is living in a house full of the person's things and does not need another object. Photographs, handwriting and plants pass; anything bulky does not.

A friend or colleague who has lost a parent should not have to do anything to receive the gift — no choosing a photograph, no approving wording. Source it yourself.

A family giving jointly does best with one shared thing rather than five private ones, and a larger gesture makes sense because the cost is split. For yourself, ignore the etiquette: if you want your grandfather's photograph painted and on your own wall, you don't need an occasion.

If you never met the person who died, keep the gift about the living person's loss rather than the dead person's face. A likeness chosen by a stranger can feel presumptuous, however kindly meant.

When to give it

The first fortnight is flowers, cards and other people's casseroles. Then the funeral, and it goes quiet. That quiet is what the gift is for.

Six weeks after is good. Three months is good. The first birthday, the first Christmas and the anniversary are better, because those are the days the person is dreading and nobody else remembers. If the death was this autumn, the first Christmas is only weeks away, and anything hand-made for December needs ordering by mid-November to be safe.

If you must send something immediately, send food or a card, and hold the lasting gift back. Its job is to say, months on, that you still know.

Gifts that carry the person

Their handwriting

A birthday card, a shopping list, a recipe, a signature. Framed alongside a photograph, £25 to £60 and about a fortnight; engraved onto a bracelet, pendant or cufflinks from a clear phone photo of the original, usually £40 to £150. Handwriting is theirs in a way nothing from a shop can be.

Their photograph, done properly

Not the one from the order of service. Find the one where they look like themselves, print it on decent paper and frame it properly — £40 to £90 — and you've done the thing everyone assumes somebody else has done. If the only good picture is old, torn or faded, restoration costs £20 to £80 a photograph; restoring and painting an old photograph walks through what can be recovered, and memorial photo gifts covers what else a good photograph can become.

Something of theirs, mended

A watch serviced and handed back running. A clock that hasn't gone for ten years, made to go. A chair reupholstered in a fabric they'd have chosen. £60 to £300 depending on the trade, and an object nobody could bring themselves to throw away becomes one that gets used.

Something planted or dedicated

A rose, a peony, a fruit tree — the variety they grew or the colour they always wore, not one marketed for grief. £15 to £60, and the bare-root season runs from November to March, which suits an autumn death. For people without a garden, a tree dedicated through a woodland charity from about £20 does the same job.

A bench is the exception to the plaque rule: one in a park they walked in or on a seafront they sat on gets used. Council schemes run from a few hundred pounds to well over a thousand, often with waiting lists, so it is a family gift arranged over months.

Letters from the people who knew them

Ask fifteen or twenty people for one page about one memory, bind them plainly and give the book on the first birthday. It costs postage and effort, and it is the gift most likely to still be read in twenty years.

A painted portrait

This is the one to hold back and offer once, when the family has one photograph everyone thinks of as "them" — in uniform, in the garden, laughing at a wedding — and it is small, a bit soft, or has other people in it. A hand-painted oil on canvas takes it off a phone screen and puts them back at eye level in a room the family uses.

The practicalities: a memorial portrait is painted by hand in oil from the photograph you send, £220 to £549 depending on size (the pricing page lists them). Backgrounds can be changed, a stranger's shoulder removed and two photographs merged, so a person can be painted alongside a partner, a grandchild or the family as it is now, from £35 for each additional person. Painting takes about three to four weeks, plus delivery, which is included worldwide, and before it ships you receive a photograph of the finished painting so any changes can be made — which matters more with a memorial than any other commission. WELCOME20 takes 20% off a first order, and it arrives unframed for framing locally.

It isn't right for everyone. Some people cannot look at the face for a year. Give them the tree now, and mention the painting when they are ready.

The options, compared

Gift	Typical UK cost	Time to arrange	Best given	Works best when
Handwriting framed or engraved	£25–£150	2–4 weeks	First birthday	You can get a sample without asking
Photograph printed and framed	£40–£90	1–2 weeks	6 weeks to 3 months on	There is a good photo, or one worth restoring
Something of theirs mended	£60–£300	2–6 weeks	Any time	An object sits unused because nobody can part with it
Rose, tree or dedication	£15–£60	Plant Nov–Mar	1–3 months on	They have a garden and are staying put
Bench with plaque	£200–£1,500+	2–6 months	Anniversary of the death	There is a place they actually went
Hand-painted portrait from a photo	£220–£549	3–4 weeks plus delivery	3 months on, or a first birthday	One photograph everyone thinks of as them

Most people who do this well give two things: something in the first fortnight that gets eaten or read, and one thing later that stays.

If it must say "in loving memory"

Sometimes the plaque is right — on the bench, the tree tag, the back of the frame — and then the wording matters more than the object. Use the name they were actually called, which is often not the one on the death certificate. Give the dates, because in thirty years a stranger will read it and want to know. And add one line in their own words rather than a verse: the thing they always said, the sign-off from their letters, the joke. "In loving memory of Peg, 1934–2026, who never let anyone leave hungry" will outlast any amount of footprints in the sand.

What to avoid: a named star, which no astronomical body recognises; wind chimes for anyone in a flat; ashes jewellery bought on somebody else's behalf, precious to those who want it and distressing to those who don't; and anything with "Mum", "Dad" or "Nan" and a generic verse, which is about parents in general when theirs was specific.

Frequently asked

What is a good in loving memory gift?

One that carries something of the person rather than a sentiment about loss: their photograph framed properly, their handwriting, something of theirs repaired, a plant they grew, or a portrait painted from a photograph the family loves. The more specific it is to them, the better it lands and the less it needs to cost.

How much should you spend on a memorial gift?

There is no right figure. A friend or colleague is usually between £20 and £60; a partner, sibling or pooled family gift might run £150 to £500. A card with one real memory in it beats a £150 object chosen in a hurry.

What do you write on an in loving memory gift?

The name they were known by, the dates, and one line in their own words, short enough to read at a glance. On a card, one memory beats any amount of "thinking of you", and never start a sentence with "at least".

Can a portrait be painted from a poor photograph?

Often, yes. Small prints, faded colour, a group shot they need lifting out of and old black-and-white photographs are all workable, provided the face is reasonably clear. Ask before ordering rather than hoping; the photograph of the finished painting is where any last adjustment gets made.

Keep the three words for the card. Choose the gift for the person, give it later than feels natural, and don't make the person grieving do any work to receive it. The in loving memory gift still on the wall or in the garden in ten years is almost never the one that came off a shelf.